Children, Sustenance, and Divine Decree: An Islamic Perspective

Many people believe that children are linked to a man's destiny while sustenance is linked to a woman's destiny. Is this belief backed up by the Sunnah and Qur'an? This article explores the issue through Islamic teachings, authentic Hadith, and scientific understanding, while correcting common misconceptions regarding the birth of sons and daughters.

It is a common belief among Muslims that the fate of the husband determines the fate of the wife, while the fate of the husband determines the fate of the children. Such statements are frequently repeated in social discussions, family gatherings, and cultural traditions. However, an important question arises: are these ideas actually supported by the Qur'an and the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, or are they merely popular cultural expressions?

To answer this question properly, one must first understand the Islamic concept of Qadr (Divine Decree). The issue of destiny is among the deepest subjects in Islamic theology. Muslim scholars have discussed it for centuries, and many aspects of it remain beyond complete human comprehension. Only Allah has complete insight into the unseen. Human beings are only granted a limited understanding of how divine decree operates in the universe.

The Qur'an teaches, over and over, that Allah is the one who created everything and that everything happens according to His plan and knowledge. Allah says:

“Indeed, We created all things with Qadar (Divine Decree).”

(54:49 of Surah Al-Qamar)

This verse establishes a fundamental principle: everything, including birth, death, sustenance, wealth, marriage, and children, occurs according to Allah's decree.

Therefore, from an Islamic perspective, it would not be entirely accurate to assert that the fate of the wife or the husband alone determines her ability to provide for herself and her children. Rather, both children and sustenance are blessings granted by Allah according to His wisdom.

The Qur'an explicitly states:

"The throne of the heavens and the earth belongs to Allah." He makes whatever He wants. He gives male children to those He chooses, and He gives female children to those He chooses. Or, He gives birth to both males and females, and He leaves anyone He chooses sterile. Indeed, He is powerful and knowledgeable. (42:49–50 of the Ash-Shura)

Because they address the issue of children directly, these verses have a significant significance. Only Allah is responsible for granting sons and daughters. No verse says that daughters are linked to the destiny of the mother or sons to the destiny of the father. The decision belongs entirely to Allah.

In the past, numerous societies placed the blame on women whenever daughters were born. Islam came to end this unfairness. Some Arab tribes regarded the birth of a daughter as a source of shame prior to Islam. In strong language, the Qur'an condemned this attitude: > "His face darkens and he is filled with grief when one of them is told there is a female child." (Surah An-Nahl 16:58)

Islam transformed this mentality by teaching that daughters are a gift from Allah and a means of immense reward.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasized the virtue of raising daughters. He stated:

“Whoever has three daughters and treats them kindly, provides for them, and shows mercy to them, Paradise becomes obligatory for him.”

(Ahmad Musnad)

In a different account, the Prophet said that people who care for and love their daughters could also practice this virtue. These teachings demonstrate that daughters are not a punishment, misfortune, or sign of bad luck. They are a gift from God.

Modern science has provided clarity regarding the biological determination of a child's gender that is consistent with the observable reality of reproduction. One sex chromosome is given to each human child by the mother and one by the father. The mother's egg always carries an X chromosome, whereas the father's sperm carries either an X chromosome or a Y chromosome.

If an X-bearing sperm fertilizes the egg, the child will be female (XX). The child will be male (XY) if the sperm fertilizes the egg with a Y-bearing sperm. Thus, scientifically speaking, the determining factor in biological sex originates from the father's reproductive contribution. This means blaming women for the birth of daughters is scientifically incorrect.

Interestingly, certain Prophetic traditions allude to realities that were unknown to people of the seventh century. The Prophet discussed the role that both male and female reproductive fluids play in the development of a child in an authentic account found in Sahih Muslim. While the hadith is not a scientific textbook, it reflects an understanding that both parents contribute to the child's characteristics.

As a result, the ignorant practice of accusing women when daughters are born is condemned in Islam. At the same time, it is important not to reduce parenthood merely to biological genetics.

Islam gives tremendous importance to motherhood. Although the father contributes genetically to the child, the mother carries the child in her womb, nourishes it, endures pregnancy, suffers the pains of childbirth, and often sacrifices more than anyone else in raising the child.

Allah says:

"His mother carried him in a state of weakness after weakness" (Surah Luqman 31:14)

Believers are repeatedly reminded in the Qur'an of the difficulties mothers face. Nursing is portrayed as a time of sacrifice, childbirth as a struggle, and pregnancy as a burden. This is why the Prophet ﷺ elevated the status of mothers to an extraordinary level. According to a well-known hadith, a man asked, “Who is most deserving of my good companionship?”

The Prophet ﷺ replied:

"She's your mother." The man asked once more: "Now who?" The Prophet's response was: “Your mother.”

He inquired once more: “Then who?”

The Prophet ﷺ replied:

“Your mother.”

He only said: on the fourth occasion. “Then your father.”

(Sahih Muslim and Sahih al-Bukhari)

The immense respect that mothers receive in Islam is clearly demonstrated in this hadith. As a result, despite the fact that genetics may explain some biological aspects of reproduction, sacrifice, compassion, responsibility, and righteousness are Islamic measures of human worth rather than biological contribution alone.

The second part of the common saying concerns sustenance (rizq). People often say that wealth enters a home because of the wife's destiny. Some even claim that after marriage a man's financial condition improves because he married a woman with a blessed destiny.

There is some truth in the sense that Allah may bless a household through any member of the family. A child, spouse, parent, or even a guest can become a means through which Allah increases blessings.

However, there is no explicit Qur'anic verse or authentic hadith stating that sustenance is specifically tied to the destiny of the wife.

The Qur'an teaches that every person's provision is written by Allah.

Allah says:

“There is no creature on earth except that its provision is upon Allah.”

(Surah Hud 11:6)

In a similar vein, the Prophet taught that a person's life, deeds, and provision are recorded by an angel while they are still in the womb. (Sahih Muslim and Sahih al-Bukhari) This means every individual has a divinely decreed provision.

However, Allah frequently bestows blessings upon interpersonal relationships. A righteous spouse may become the cause of prosperity. A pious child may become the cause of mercy. Loving parents may become a means of divine blessings. In this sense, one could poetically say that a particular person brought blessings into a home, but such expressions should not be confused with formal Islamic doctrine.

It is generally advised by Islamic scholars not to make definitive theological claims without clear textual evidence. The connection between human effort and divine decree is another significant issue. Some people misunderstand destiny and assume that since everything is written, effort is unnecessary. Islam disapproves of this fatalistic outlook. The Prophet ﷺ encouraged people to work, seek lawful earnings, pursue education, marry, and take practical measures while trusting Allah.

When a man asked whether he should leave his camel untied and trust Allah, the Prophet ﷺ replied:

"Tie it and then believe in Allah." (Jami' al-Tirmidhi)

This hadith beautifully summarizes the Islamic balance between divine decree and human responsibility.

A believer continues to strive with sincerity and dedication despite the fact that they are aware that Allah controls the outcomes. In a similar vein, Allah created the natural process of childbirth.

Divine principles govern biological processes. The fact that science explains gender determination does not diminish Allah's role; rather, it reveals the mechanisms through which Allah's decree unfolds.

The Qur'an consistently directs believers to observe the signs of creation and recognize divine wisdom within natural processes.

Islam therefore presents a balanced view. Children are Allah's gifts. Sons are Allah's gifts. Daughters are gifts from Allah. Wealth is from Allah. Allah's wisdom dictates that there will be prosperity and poverty. Parents participate in the process of reproduction, but ultimate control remains with the Creator.

Having sons should not make a parent feel superior. No woman should be held accountable for giving birth to girls.